It feels like I am living life in fast forward, with 3 kids a job and a husband in the military I am always in motion. Everyone says that time flies when you are having fun and my time is certainly flying so I just want to know where the fun is...maybe it is just a little white lie that you learn about in adulthood.
So getting back to living in motion, my husband is in the military and after his last promotion he is always gone! I am the sole person responsible for the children's health, wellness, homework, sports, transportation, bills, housework, my job, shopping, etc. He is a good father/husband, and when home, he helps me. I just need a moment to vent. Because, it is hard to be a military spouse with the pressure and expectation to perform a constant. There is a sense of selfless service in our community that everyone is expected to adopt where you are not allowed to show weakness. I don't complain, or show contempt, or ignore my duties, I just continue and sometimes build a little resentment for it.
I just had surgery and the next day my husband had to be back at work. When friends and family expresses their anger over him not helping and staying home I found myself defending him. Maybe because I know that they are right but more so because I know that they don't understand the pressure he is under. I don't think anyone does...not even me. How would it feel to know that a person's life is in your hands?
I guess you can see my inner turmoil. I think everyone in our community lives with a sense of purpose, feeling like everything that you do is for something bigger-our nation. It kind of makes you feel small and like your little worries and needs are trivial. But sometimes, I want to be selfish...I want to fight for family time...I crave a normal life...
I don't want to always live in fast forward. I fear that we are going to miss all of the REALLY important things in life. A quiet evening watching the stars, a family vacation camping, campfires, sports games, walking in the park...I think that the little white lie is that when you are moving so fast through life that you don't have time to think about all the things you missed along the way. Do you realize it later and regret it?
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