Our Christmas Story

By Brenna Berger

Our Christmas ended up being part “A Christmas Story” and part “The Santa Clause”. As the kids and I sat in the booth in the Chinese restaurant, I caught the glances from the other patrons. Here in the South, I believe they could best have been translated as “Bless your heart.”

What those other patrons couldn’t have known was that I was incredibly relieved to be splitting the last steamed dumpling three ways. My husband is deployed and this was the third Christmas he’s missed in the past six years. I know other families have most certainly had it worse, but I had wanted so badly to make this Christmas special for my kids.

Instead of staying home, we had headed north to spend the holidays with family. Unfortunately, the winter storm warnings that popped up Christmas morning threw a wrench in my plans for a great day. Instead of leisurely lounging around my parents’ house in Virginia, I suddenly found myself rushing to pack the car in order to make it home before the storm hit. My parents were also trying to beat the storm to get to my sister’s house in Boston.

Of course, nothing is open on Christmas Day, so the kids enjoyed a healthy lunch of Christmas cookies as we made our way down the interstate through the snow flurries, instead of sitting down to a Christmas turkey. By the time I arrived home in North Carolina, I was trying to remember what was in my cupboards that would make a semi-decent meal. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping before I left on my trip and I couldn’t even remember if I had a box of pasta in the house.

Fortunately, the storm held off, so instead of heading straight home, I took a gamble and headed for our favorite Chinese restaurant. I knew it was open on Christmas Eve, so I prayed it was open on Christmas Day. As I turned onto the street, amid all the other dark storefronts, I could see the “OPEN” sign shining in the darkness and the parking lot full of cars. I could have hugged the hostess when she said, “Table for three?”

As I sat there watching my kids, I realized how fortunate we truly were: We had presents under the tree, a safe car to make the trip, and the ability to go to a restaurant and have good hot food. Most of all, my kids are happy and healthy.

Who could ask for more on Christmas—or any other day?

Saying Goodbye

Today is our farewell from the unit. It doesn't seem like we have been here that long...in fact, it seems like we just got here. But nevertheless, it is time to move on. I think that you understand better in the military than anywhere that time is short and life gives you the opportunity to make each day matter.

I guess that I also instinctively know that we are not just saying goodbye to a job and home, but the family that we created here. From our neighbors whose homes became our children's other home to the unit that always found a way to bring our families together and help out when you needed it most. I can remember one night while Dan was deployed Jack fell and needed stitches, it was one of the worst snow storms ever. We had two feet of snow and I had to drive 45 min to a pediatric emergency room. One of my neighbors drove me in a 4 wheel drive car she borrowed so that I could hold Jack in the back seat...because I couldn't get my car out of the garage. She stayed with me, and helped me, I just don't know what I would have done without her. The next day, I needed to go and get medicine at the store and I got myself dressed to get my car out of the garage I walked outside to see a unit member shoveling my driveway. I couldn't believe my eyes, just 30 minutes before there was over 2 feet of snow covering my whole driveway! He even fixed my garage door that had gone off track with the weight of snow pressed against it.

I guess it make me reflect on the fact that while we do have our "issues" they seemed to get solved quickly. I phone call or email to work out what problem has occurred. I guess I naturally shift to a recent issue with a family member that is mad at me for something that I accidentally said, why? I guess, I don't understand why there is a need to be angry and bitter, life seems so short. Maybe, there is just that one person out there that is meant to challenge you so that you can always appreciate the gifts that life has to offer.

If you can, take time to reflect of previous places that you have been and people that meant something special to you. People that you have lost contact with or that have passed away. Life is short, and people are special, always value the good people in your life!

Everybody needs a little help from their friends!

My husband and I recently got back from Jamaica, we went for a wedding and decided to make a vacation out of it spending 6 days and 5 nights. I have to admit it was a bit of forced fun, when his brother told us the wedding was a destination wedding in Jamaica, there was a bit of grumbling. Our first response was how are we going to do this? How can we manage the 3 kids schedules, school, military, PCS, my work, and money? I remember taking a breath, smiling and saying, "Wow, Jamaica, how fun!"

As we drove home, we were a little in shock. Even though I was unsure if we could pull it off, I did not want to interfere with their special day. I had to scold my husband, the pessimist, as he criticized his brother's decision, he immediately voiced all the reasons that we could not do it. And I said, "Who are we to tell them what they should do? How many times have we been criticized for your decision to be a soldier? Let's just support him and decide that we are going to do everything we can work out the rest. Besides I have always wanted to go to Jamaica, so do you, let's just focus on that and his special day and the rest will fall into place."

And with that attitude, it did. We had about nine months to plan, and everything worked out. The wedding was at a perfect time for his job and mine. My Mom offered to watch our children, and a team of friends chipped in to help with rides to practices, games, parties, babysit, and help my Mom. We went away worry free, and for the first time in 9 years we had time to relax and reconnect. I am tearing up just thinking of how blessed we are to have the greatest family on earth! (Military family and friends included!!!)

I learned a very important lesson, everybody needs a little help from friends and there is no shame in asking for it. While away, I could see that I have some of the greatest people and that I am truly blessed. For years, I tried to pretend I was superwoman and could do everything without help and I was so wrong! I need help like everyone else, I wish I would have swallowed my pride and accepted it more often. I really feel rejuvenated for the first time in almost 9 years, at peace. So if you can, take a little time for you. Find ways to ask for help when you need it, even if it is just to get a sitter for an afternoon nap!

Military Spouse and Mother's Day

I think this weekend was a time to reflect on how important we are to our families and the military. So often I forget that I am the sole constant in my family or the tie that binds us all together. Things that I do with joy and sometimes resentment make a difference and are important. I almost wish that military spouse day and mother's day were separated by a few months. I wish that military spouses and mothers would realize that critical role that we play not just one weekend a year... but carry our pride through the other 50 weeks each year.

Our selfless service is unmatched. You volunteer to support our nation and service members with pride and grace. You sacrifice, scrimp, are creative, and make things work seamlessly. Hold your head high, not just on spouse day, or mother's day... but every day.

You are a remarkable, courageous, resourceful person... we are what makes our nations military the best in the world. Stand tall today and everyday.

Time flies when having fun...

It feels like I am living life in fast forward, with 3 kids a job and a husband in the military I am always in motion. Everyone says that time flies when you are having fun and my time is certainly flying so I just want to know where the fun is...maybe it is just a little white lie that you learn about in adulthood.



So getting back to living in motion, my husband is in the military and after his last promotion he is always gone! I am the sole person responsible for the children's health, wellness, homework, sports, transportation, bills, housework, my job, shopping, etc. He is a good father/husband, and when home, he helps me. I just need a moment to vent. Because, it is hard to be a military spouse with the pressure and expectation to perform a constant. There is a sense of selfless service in our community that everyone is expected to adopt where you are not allowed to show weakness. I don't complain, or show contempt, or ignore my duties, I just continue and sometimes build a little resentment for it.



I just had surgery and the next day my husband had to be back at work. When friends and family expresses their anger over him not helping and staying home I found myself defending him. Maybe because I know that they are right but more so because I know that they don't understand the pressure he is under. I don't think anyone does...not even me. How would it feel to know that a person's life is in your hands?



I guess you can see my inner turmoil. I think everyone in our community lives with a sense of purpose, feeling like everything that you do is for something bigger-our nation. It kind of makes you feel small and like your little worries and needs are trivial. But sometimes, I want to be selfish...I want to fight for family time...I crave a normal life...



I don't want to always live in fast forward. I fear that we are going to miss all of the REALLY important things in life. A quiet evening watching the stars, a family vacation camping, campfires, sports games, walking in the park...I think that the little white lie is that when you are moving so fast through life that you don't have time to think about all the things you missed along the way. Do you realize it later and regret it?